Assorted Magical Violence N' Slaughter!
by Astarel
Summary: THIS, my children, is why demented people should not be allowed to wield magic. In this insane story, I slaughter the entire school population, usurp Lord Voldy and cast the Reductor Curse on small furry animals. THIS! IS! ASTAREL!
1. Magic for the Mad

**There seems to be a renewed interest in Harry Potter with the recent release of the movie. I've written this story about what would happen if I had magical powers… email me if you want to appear. Don't expect my grammar or common sense to be very coherent in this story. **

_Chapter One: _

_Physics is so __**boring**__, _I grumbled as I sat at my desk, hardly even registering what the teacher was saying. Electricity was good in its own Muggle way, but magic could perform anything that we were learning by sitting in this classroom in a heartbeat.

It was the summer holidays at Hogwarts, and my parents had forced me to attend my old school – so that I would not be uneducated, so they said. I found the entire concept to be tiresome and pointless, but had agreed to prevent them from tearing me from limb to limb.

My hand itched in the pocket that contained my wand. How I longed to perform magic… any spell at all. But students were not allowed to use magic outside of Hogwarts, and so I was forced to listen to the teacher with feigned interest.

Oh, what the hell. You only get to live once.

I jumped from my seat, whipped out my yew wand and screamed, _"Stupefy!" _

A jet of red light erupted from the tip of the wand, and smashed straight into the teacher's chest. He yelled out, for the tiniest of instants- and then crumpled to the ground. I giggled maniacally. This made no sense whatsoever, but it was **fun!**

My classmates stared at me in shock and horror. I waved my wand in a wide arc, and laughed as I shouted, _"Piertotum locomotor!" _

The tables and chairs in the room began to shake, and burst from their immobility. Their metal limbs clawed at the students, tearing their clothes to shreds and ripping wide wounds in their flesh – I cackled like a maniac, randomly hurling hexes at the students, as they ran around, trying to avoid the animated furniture- generations of students had drawn on them, cut them, kicked them and generally abused them; this was their means of revenge.

I turned my attention to the door. Drawing my wand to my chest like a catapult, I lashed out and yelled, _"Bombarda!" _

The door exploded with incredible force, sending a blizzard of shards raining on the courtyard below. I flicked my wand at the tiny fragments, muttering, _"Draconifors!" _

The white shards shimmered with a nimbus of light, and sprouted wings; jets of fire seared the sky above the school, as the tiny Transfigured dragons went berserk on the faculty. Screams rang through the air as the silly Muggles finally discovered that they were under attack!

The students spilled into the corridors, watching in awe as the flight of black dragons wreaked havoc with the upper atmosphere. My dastardly creations crashed into the rooftop, tearing out shingles from the balcony, and rained beams of fire down upon the students- they screamed and ducked as the infernos burst into their classrooms, setting them alight.

I giggled. No one suspected me yet. Pointing my wand at the garden below, I muttered,

_"Herbivicus Maxima!"_

The plants shivered and shuddered, as though some manic energy had overcome them. Then, a moment later, they burst into a wild growth of life, reaching upwards with their tendrils and plucking students off the railing.

The thorns bit into the sides of the screaming Muggles, immobilizing them as they were dragged into the undergrowth. The flower bushes exploded in a grenade of stems, sending long shafts of wood flying like missiles into the growing throng, impaling them and tossing their limp bodies over the balcony. The insane plants reeled them into their massive, violet bulbs, and devoured them whole; the plants had reversed the food chain at last!

The students began to run, in utter panic. They pushed each other out of the way as they fled, trampling each other as they tried in vain to escape from the wild growth and shrieking dragons. I raised my wand delicately, and whispered a dark word.

A cloud of pure darkness swelled from the tip of my wand, utterly engulfing the horde of fleeing Muggles. They were blinded by my spell, and screamed in panic as flames seared their flesh, and the vines grabbed their feet.

Not satisfied, I raised my wand and made a great, sweeping motion along the corridors. The lockers burst open with incredible force, swatting aside the students trying to climb up them. They were struck on the face with the might of an elephant's stomp; there was a great cracking of skulls and shattering of teeth, as the Muggles fell limp to the ground.

They screamed for mercy, scrambling to escape from the various magical forces that I had unleashed upon them; and I was only too happy to oblige. Pointing my wand at the ground beneath them, I yelled with senseless rage,

_"Reducto!"_

The granite tiles vibrated wildly and collapsed under the weight of my curse. The students were sent plummeting into the chamber below, where I giggled as I flicked my wand and cackled, _"Oppugno!" _

The dragons in mid-air suddenly froze, as they acquired their new targets. Then, in a great flurry of black and green scales, the beasts charged into the pit of fresh meat. Their fangs gnashed at the defenseless Muggles, ripping them apart like caged animals.

_"Confringo!" _I shouted, and the Blasting Curse ripped forth from my wand with explosive force. It shot around the chamber like a missile, causing massive explosions wherever it landed- in seconds, the pit was swimming with corpses and blood.

There was silence, for a moment as I enjoyed my handiwork. Then I turned on my heel and Apparated away- there was still so much to be done!

At that very instant, I appeared in the Plaza. It was filled with students, completely oblivious as to what I had done in the deeper parts of the school. I giggled, ready to carry out more senseless violence.

_"Glisseo!" _

The entire plaza transformed into a giant-sized ramp. Everybody screamed as they fell down the enchanted, sticky slope; the cars on the road honked wildly as they were thrown out of the way and ran over several hapless victims.

I cast another spell, thrusting my wand forward and yelling.The cars were shot into the sky, cartwheeling several times in mid-air before crashing to the ground. The glass windshields shattered into tiny pieces, stabbing the survivors inside the vehicles.

I giggled. Muggle vehicles were _so _unreliable.

There was a sudden _pop_, startling me and sending me off balance. I set the tip of my wand on fire and pointed it at the wizard who had just Apparated beside me- and then yelled out.

"Jeric!?" I spluttered. "Since when were you a wizard?"

"Well, I agreed to take part in this bloodthirsty and pointless destruction," he said airily. "On Facebook. Check your status, dumbass."

Then he raised his wand. _"Depulso!" _

A barrage of white missiles erupted from the head of the oaken wood, blasting the fleeing Muggles aside like rag dolls as they tried to run out of the school gates. I snarled- they must not be allowed to escape!

I clenched my fists together, and the gates clanged shut. The steel bound itself together with a spell, tighter than any lock. The scum began to howl in desperation, hurling themselves against the gate- it of course, would not budge.

_"Avada Kedavra!" _I screamed. A rushing beam of green light erupted from my wicked yew wand, striking several of the Muggles in turn- they crumpled to the ground and breathed no more.

Jeric laughed maniacally, and lashed his wand like a whip; a stream of fire spewed out from the tip of his ebony wand, and ignited a large group of the Muggles. They flayed about in pain, supplemented by our curses and hexes, their skin peeling off like beautiful snowflakes.

"Look out," Jeric murmured, pointing at the sky. Streams of white smoke had begun to swarm through the air, providing a sure sign that the Ministry of Magic (Asia) had been alerted to our slaughter. Together, we raised our wands and shouted,

_"Protego!" _

A glistening white shield exploded around the entire school, swelling like a bubble and knocking back the Ministry wizards as they attempted to enter. Their curses deflected off the shield with no effect; several rays of light deflected off the sphere and knocked them to their deaths.

_"Carpe Retractum!" _I hissed. A great, black rope shot from the tip of my wand, lashing around one of the flying Ministry wizards; with a yank not unlike a fishing reel, the pathetic man was sent crashing to the ground.

Jeric waved his wand, gathering some of the debris that littered the plaza; with a cry of _"Avifors!"_, he Transfigured them all into a flock of angry eagles, screeching as they clawed at our attackers. The wizards blasted aside the birds with a series of furious curses, then with a powerful stream of red light, shattered our shield into tiny pieces.

_"Avada Kedavra!" _I roared, sniping one of the wizards out of the sky. His limp body smashed into the ground, forming a wide crater from which I charmed a storm of earthen shards; they stung at the bodies of the wizards, digging deep into their chests and causing them to fall from the sky.

Jeric flicked his wand negligently. The shards Transfigured into a swarm of angry bees, a blizzard of black insects that buried their poisonous barbs into their flesh; they yelled and tried to hex the creatures off of them, but it was too late.

_"Petrificus Totalus!" _I giggled. The white smoke around them ceased to support their weight, and they dove to meet the ground as frozen statues. The survivors exchanged fire with us, but they were only trained to Stun; we were fully prepared to kill. Our green bolts of fire decimated every living cell in their body upon contact, and in moments, the Plaza had been littered with the dead.

We turned on our heels, fleeing the scene as more of the Ministry swooped down upon us. It was time to go wreak havoc in other parts of the world!

**Okay that was reaaaaaaaaaaally random. And violent. And pointless. The next one will have the Australians inside :D **


	2. Morbidkittentorturenaoplz

_Chapter Two: Morbidkittentorturenaoplz_

The two wizards appeared with a tiny _pop_ in the middle of the street. They held their wands at the ready, and with every step they took, extinguished the bright lamps that lined the road. In moments, the entire row of houses had been plunged into utter darkness.

"Tell me, who are we visiting again?" asked Jeric in the darkness.

"The Australians," I replied simply. "They're a bit… random. But powerful witches. We will need them to defeat Voldemort!"

There was an awkward silence. "Wait, this story has a _plot _now?" asked Jeric confusedly.

"Yes," I said, then jumped as a dark shape streaked across the darkness. Its yellow eyes flashed threateningly in the darkness, and I blasted it with my wand. _"Reducto!" _

A jet of white sparks surrounded it for an instant, fixing a surprised look upon its tiny face before the tabby cat exploded. Chunks of shredded meat wafted through the air with the acrid smell of a grenade, and shattered bones littered the floor before I Vanished them with a flick of my wand.

"That was fun," I mused happily. A moment later, the two of us had reached the porch of a large and ornate manor house. An evil-shaped doorknob was mounted on the dark panel of wood; a gargoyle, with twisted bat-wings and a mouth that clutched a long ring of polished metal.

I lifted the ring reverently, and tapped it with the tip of my wand.

_"Morbidkittentorturenaoplz." _I muttered the password, and the door silently swung open.

"What the fuck?" Jeric whispered as we stepped into the dark interior of the manor. "How did you even _pronounce _that?"

"Skill," I said. _"Lumos," _I whispered, igniting the tip of my wand.

In the magical light, the ruined insides of the house were painfully apparent. Bits of broken furniture were strewn all about the floor, along with several pieces of shattered china. Some magical items continued to spin feebly on the ground, including a glass Sneakoscope that I destroyed with a quick curse.

"Kate?" I called out warily. When there was no response, Jeric raised his wand and muttered, _"Homenum revelio."_

A light purple mist whooshed through the manor, lingering on one particular patch of air by a puffy armchair-

_"BOMBARDA!" _Kate screamed, shucking the spell that had kept her invisible. Her curse shot through the air, and the two of us ducked – the jet of black light hit the adjacent wall, and exploded with incredible force. We were thrown forward, landing at Kate's feet; I could see the wildness in her eyes as she raised her wand, preparing to strike again.

"Heeeeeeeey!" I shouted. "It's me!"

She paused mid-hex. The green light at the tip of her wand faded into blackness. "Oh," she said calmly, waving her wand around the room. The assorted detritus mended itself very quickly, and the upholstery dragged itself back onto the walls; the collapsed armchair inflated outwards with a quiet _bang _and a kettle of steaming tea appeared on the suddenly un-ruined coffee table.

"What can I help you with?" she said, smoothing out the front of her black dress.

A moment later, we were sitting in puffy armchairs and sipping Australian tea.

"Does Australia even have tea?" Jeric grumbled, less amicable about Kate's attempt to blow us into tiny shreds than I was.

"No, this is actually from China," she said serenely – I projectile vomited out my mouthful of tea, and furiously wiped at the insides of my mouth with my sleeves- and used her wand to sweeten her own cup. "Sugar?" she asked politely, a far sight from the demented witch of ten seconds ago.

"I'll be straightforward about this," I said seriously. "We have spontaneously decided to usurp Lord Voldy, and take over the world. You in?"

She seemed to consider this. "What's in it for me?" she asked.

"Well, just ten minutes ago we slaughtered the entire population of our Muggle school, caused assorted levels of mass destruction, and shot Ministry wizards out of the sky like flies," said Jeric.

A moment later, she leapt out of her chair and screamed in excitement.

"We need a name for our group," she said, seriously. "We must kill Voldy in _style_!"

"Hmm," I pondered. "How about P.A.S.T.A?" I wondered, referencing an obscure group that my Muggle classmates had once started.

"No!" Kate interrupted and answered her own question. "We will be the Society of Random Insanity!" she declared, waving her cedarwood wand. A banner exploded out of thin air, and with the fiery tip of her wand, Kate seared the initials "S.O.R.I." onto the cloth.

Wrapping the banner around her neck like a scarf, the three of us Disapparated with a whip-like crack and proceeded to pick up the next Australian.

Rebecca, as it turned out, was expecting us.

The dark-haired witch was currently living in a small cottage by the Sea, which Kate quickly demolished with a scream of _"REDUCTO!" _

The other witch flounced out to greet us. "I've been expecting you," she said, slightly misty-eyed. "I have forseen it."

"Ooh, you can see the future?" Jeric asked excitedly.

"No," she replied abruptly. "Marcus told me on MSN. Are we going to kill Voldemort now?" she asked excitedly, waving her wand and conjuring a shower of red sparks. She pointed it at the prisoners she kept in the cages – yes she has prisoners, chained ones that she never feeds, ever – and said,

_"Suslifors!" _

They were contorted wildly out of shape, sprouting snouts and turning a porky shade of pink- in a moment, they had been transformed into three fat piggies. Rebecca held out her wand, rapidly deep-frying them with a spray of cooking oil and fire from the tip of her wand; BAK KWA! **(Australians, this is a Chinese porky dish thing)**

"That's Lord Marcus to you," I said, slightly annoyed, popping one of the piggies into my mouth. "And no. Not yet. First, we must build up our evil army of-"

Then my phone beeped. "Grr," I growled, taking out the piece of crap and jabbing it with my wand.

YOU HAVE 22 NEW MAILS FROM FACEBOOK

"Double-u tee eff?" I exclaimed. "What is it now?"

**Joel Tan Jia De **_fine dun add me... i was the one who said all the spellz __****__**--- LIES**_

_**Samuel Yugure **__ooh! throw me in_

_**Nigel Yee**__ WTF Put me in you dementer_

I sighed. "Fine! _Accio Extras!" _

With three consecutive _pops_, my friends appeared, looking rather distracted. None of them had a wand on them.

"Hmm," I mused. "brb."

I turned on my heel and Disapparated.

Somewhere in Sydney, there were three flashes of green light. _"Avadakedavraavadakedavraavadakedavr!" _I screamed, shooting triple beams of green light at the wizards I had found.

Two of them crumpled, and I summoned their wands to me in one fluid motion. One of them remained standing.

"You missed out an 'a' on that last spell," he pointed out.

"Annoying bastard!" I screamed. "_Reducto!" _

He exploded in a fountain of blood and gore, and I took his wand from the gooey pile of organs. "That," I smiled. "Is what you get for being too smart."

A moment later, Joel, Samuel and Nigel were armed with their wands.

Joel waved it around feebly, though enthusiastically- all he managed was to produce a small shower of sparks. Nigel screamed loudly, using the only spell he knew, _"Expectoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! PATRONUUUUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"_

And then promptly set fire to Joel's clothing.

Samuel licked his wand, causing a stream of sparks to fly out the tip. He pointed it at Joel, still flailing around, laughing as the fire devoured him, and incanted,

_"Bubble Beam!" _

Wait, what? Anyway, the Pokemon move somehow worked, and a stream of bubbles appeared- except that soap bubbles are alkaline, as you would know if you were paying attention last year, and stung his flesh even more.

"Go forth, my warriors!" I screamed maniacally, putting out the fire with a negligent flick of my wand. "Wreak havoc upon this sub-continent!"

In a rush of dark smoke, the seven of us Disapparated. We rushed across the Australian desert, randomly blasting the people and animals with the Killing Curse, and singing like some sick choir: "WE'RE S.O.R.I.!"


	3. In Which Everybody Does Something Cool

_Chapter Three: In Which Everybody Does Something Cool, and Joel Marries Emma_

There was a sudden explosion in the middle of the bay. Water sprayed in wild plumes throughout the air, shocking the Muggles gathered around the Sydney Opera House- and then screams rent the air as the seven Dark Wizards emerged from the crater.

_"Aqua Ferveo!" _I shouted. The waves in the Bay began to churn, and heated up; an instant later, the surface of the water exploded in a shockwave of heat and fire. Boiling water hissed through the air, hideously disfiguring those who were caught in it.

Jeric waved his wand, sending a wall of bright yellow light flying from its tip; it slammed into the Muggles with bone-crushing force, breaking every bone in their bodies before dispersing in a cloud of white smoke. Joel brandished his long birch, yelling,

_"Sectumsempra!"_

It was as though a knife was butchering the crowd of Muggles- they screamed as an invisible force sheared through their chests, cutting off their arms and legs, and digging out their hearts; blood sprayed freely through the air, staining the ground a dark shade of red.

Kate, who had requested for a personality change as of ten minutes ago, calmly walked over to the Opera House. It stood like a jewel shining on the water, and she tapped it with the tip of her wand.

_"Inflatus!" _

The entire building lifted from the ground, swelling like a balloon. The walls of the structure seemed to ripple out of shape, stretching like a painted skin; there were screams of terror as the House rose high above the rest of Sydney. People hurled themselves off the sides of the building in desperation, and into the Bay; these were the idiots. The water was still boiling hot from my curse.

The seven of us raised our wands above our heads, aiming them like lazers- SHOOP DA WHOOP! IM CHARGING MAH LAZER!

_"Inflamarae!" _

A barrage of red flames shot through the sky, blowing chunks off the Opera House- somewhere inside, a gasoline tank detonated, and a rictus of sound and energy tore through Sydney. The entire building was now a smoldering fireball, floating in the skies above the city, and every living creature for miles around turned to stare in wonder.

Samuel pointed his wand at the smoldering wreckage.

_"Banishio!"_

The burning building turned around at shot off like a bullet. It tore through the air, trailing a thick, suffocating trail of smoke- and then crashed into Sydney proper. There was a massive explosion, and a cloud of debris almost a mile wide- and then all was silent.

A moment later, the Ministry (Asia) was upon us.

They were mostly Cheenamen, with fake chopstick wands and cloaks that had a higher plastic-to-matter ratio than Lego blocks. They shot waves of curses at us, tinting the sky a violent shade of red; but they missed, and exploded in the Bay.

At a glance, I could tell that we were vastly outnumbered- but then what else but _DEUS EX MACHINA! _**(Stage play term in which you are suddenly and randomly rescued.)**

In a cloud of black light, two of my classmates Apparated beside us. Mohsin and Wai Yan brandished their wands, sending blinding arcs of green light across the sky. _"Avada Kedavra!" _

The two wizards blasted some of the Ministry officials out of the sky, but more kept coming. Their hexes and jinxes were coming stronger, and faster- Rebecca lashed out with her wand, screaming,

_"Glacius!"_

A cone of cold air tore away from her wand, forming a screaming blizzard that devoured the wizards. They screamed, trying to escape the cold that had seized their legs, and was travelling up their bodies- but they were too slow, and exploded into a shower of diamond-white dust.

The nine of us stood in a tightly-huddled circle, enchanted white lightning forming a protective shell around us. Red rays of light exploded on the surface of our barrier, slowly chipping away at its power- in moments, we would all be dead.

And then, cold despair gripped our stomachs, and black wraiths filled the air. The Dementors swooped down upon us, their endless black mouths aching to kiss our mouths and suck out our souls.

Nigel saved all our lives, with the only spell he knew.

_"EXPECTOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! PATRONUMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"_

A flash of incredibly bright white light ripped through the air, and the Dementors fled. Brilliant clouds of smoke pursued them, worming into their dark cloaks and causing them to explode in rays of pure sunlight- Nigel's Patronus was so powerful that it tore the very essence of the creatures apart. Bits of black cloth fell to the ground- and then the battle begun afresh.

Disgusted by the utter incompetence of their Cheena counterparts, the real professionals, the British – yes, their way of spelling is better than the Americans, and don't you forget it – wizards appeared in a nimbus of white light.

Kingsley Shacklebolt, Harry Potter, Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasley were amongst them, the most famous wizards of our time. They chained together a bolt of yellow lightning, hurling it into our midst-

Mohsin slashed his wand like a saber, burning a fiery mark in the air. _"Salvio Hexia!" _he shouted, and a ring of energy rippled outwards. It absorbed the chain of lightning, and hung in the air like a menacing halo of fire.

Wai Yan shouted, _"Levitas Exumai!", _and the circle of power exploded outwards, knocking the Ministry wizards to their feet. The earth cracked, and the bridge fell into the flaming waters of the Bay. Lightning tore apart the very stones of the Harbour, causing the boats in the water to spark with pure energy and explode- the waters were filled with energy, dancing and leaping and screaming as it shocked the fish, filling the Bay with the floating dead.

Joel squealed, startling us all. He burst out of our circle suddenly, running towards Hermione, and giggled,

"OMG Emma Watson, YOU'RE SO HOT!" he squealed, kissing her feet. "Will you marry me?" he begged.

She seemed distracted by his sudden defection. "Umm," she said confusedly. "I'm sorry? I'm already married. With children."

Weasley glared at Joel angrily, and jabbed him with his wand. "Get off my wife! _Relashio!"_

Joel was flung back with great force, but leapt upwards with surprising agility. Thrusting his wand with anger, he shouted,

_"Expelliarmus!"_

Weasley's wand was blasted out of his hand, and he fell backwards with a yelp into the sharp cornerstones below. His body was impaled upon the rocks, and for a few moments, he screamed and struggled as the sharp rocks wormed their way through his body.

Hermione screamed in agony, but Joel grabbed her shoulder and tried to comfort her. "Shh," he whispered into her ear. "It's okay! You have me now!"

When she refused to acknowledge him, Joel glared at her and waved his wand.

_"Amortentia!" _

Pink bubbles trickled from his wand, and there was an instant change in the woman. She leapt onto Joel and began to kiss him, and squealed in delight,

"Joel, the love of my life! Let's get married and have lots of children!"

Then the two of them Disapparated, leaving the rest of us extremely confused. Did Joel just score a really hot woman?

The battle begun in earnest as each of us began to duel a member of the Ministry.

Kate and Rebecca exchanged fire with Kingsley Shacklebolt, who shot a stream of silver daggers from the tip of his wand; the two witches snarled and Transfigured the blades, hurling them back towards him as dragonflies- the insects crawled up his nostrils, cutting bloody wounds through his arteries and veins.

Blood erupted from his nose, and Kate shouted _"Engorgio!" _at the same time that Rebecca cried out _"Expulso!"_

The bugs expanded in his nose, swelling to the size of beach-balls; Shacklebolt screamed in pain as his brain was crushed beneath the force of the growing insects. But the torture was not over yet- Rebecca's curse slammed into the insects, and caused them to explode- and thus, in a shower of brain chunks, the Minister for Magic met his unfortunate end.

Several feet away, Nigel, Samuel and Mohsin blasted Harry Potter with three streams of red light. The Stunning Spells deflected harmlessly off his shield, and the Boy Who Lived followed up with a devastating stream of golden fire.

_"Impedementa!" _Nigel shouted, sending red sparks clashing against Potter's curse. The yellow flames ground to a halt, crawling harmlessly into the adjacent balcony- with a slow-motion explosion, the house detonated; but the three wizards were already gone, firing at Potter with a steady stream of curses. 

Jeric was battling John Dawlish, neither wizard getting an advantage over another. They were both completely silent, not muttering a word as they blasted each other with explosively powerful spells; Jeric flicked his wand, causing the Auror's clothing to burst into flames. Dawlish extinguished the fire, and caused the smoke to attack the other man like a living shroud of darkness; he dispersed the blackness with a wave of his wand, and produced a brilliant rope of green light that lashed around Dawlish's neck and began to strangle him.

Blue Cullen Chong dove straight towards me, his wand producing a flurry of infernal birds. The phoenixes exploded like bombs around me, setting my cloak alight; with a shout of fury, I hurled the burning cloth towards the Auror who had survived my wrath when I had destroyed the school.

"I was there when you killed them all!" he howled, turning the cloak into a long and black serpent. Its mouth reared wide open, trying to bite me- I screamed _"Confringo!"_, sending a globe of fire to hurtle into the gaping maw, and the beast exploded from the inside out.

"Bastard!" he shouted. _"Defodio!"_

A huge hole appeared in the rock below me, and I fell inside. _"Carpe Retractum!" _

Black rope grabbed the Auror's ankle and yanked him inside the pit with me. We both fell, trying to blast each other with the Killing Curse- the desperation was evident in his eyes as we fell nearer and nearer to the bottom of the hole.

_"Rictusempra!" _I spat. White sparks leapt out of my wand and began to tickle the Auror, sending him laughing even as we plummeted into the abyss. With great strength, he fought the jinx and giggled,

_"Aqua Eructo!"_

A flood of water erupted from his wand, tearing out chunks of earth and submerging the pit below. An instant later, we fell into the waves; the sensation was like being crushed under a bed of needles, as the force of the impact ruptured my skin.

And then because by this time the writer was getting bored, I flicked my wand at Blue. _"Alarte Ascendare!"_

He was tossed a thousand feet into the air, screaming- and then, with a tiny pop, Disapparated. The only reason why he did not die is because the write thought it impolite to murder him.

Samuel roared and flicked his wand; a stream of dragon fire erupted from its tip and engulfed Potter. He yelled out in pain as his robes caught fire, and then his eyes widened as Nigel hit him in the chest with a Stunning Spell. Mohsin conjured a swarm of burning butterflies, setting Potter's black hair on fire; he screamed and shouted, tearing out bundles of smoking hair-

_"Expulso!" _Wai Yan shouted. A stream of pale grey light twined from his wand, soaring into the other man's chest; and then, with a heatless explosion, Harry Potter was blown into a thousand tiny pieces.

Yes, the Burma Boy has done what Lord Voldemort could not! *cheer*

In a very lazy way of finishing off this chapter, Jeric aimed his spell in between Dawlish's eyes. _"Periculum!"_

A red grenade flew into the Auror's brain, and exploded like a spectacular firework. Sparks colored the air, along with bits of gray brain and red blood; and thus, the last of the Aurors present was no more.

I stood at the center of the devastation and giggled. Mission Accomplished! Bonus points for everyone! Except Joel, who ran off with Emma Watson. Grr, we'll have to take care of him in the next chapter, won't we?

**Okay, that's all! Joshua Toh and Perry shall appear in the next chapter. To help us stalk, find and kill Joel. On a side note, would anyone like to read a bit of my novel? As in, serious writing? :P **

**Spells that I Made Up For This Chapter! I made them specially for you guys, be appreciative ;D**

* _Aqua Ferveo _– The Burning-Water Curse, used by me. Instantly heats a body of water to boiling point.

* _Librata _– The Crushing Curse, used by Jeric. Conjures a solid mist that travels forward, crushing everything in its path.

* _Contegio _– The Protection Charm, used by all of us. Conjures a ring of energy to absorb incoming spells.

_* Levitas – _The Lightning Jinx, used by the Ministry wizards. Hurls a destructive arc of lightning towards an enemy.

_* Levitas Exumai _– The Lightning Deflector Charm, used by Wai Yan. Blasts back all lightning projectiles, and disrupts electrical equipment in a small radius around the caster.

* _Argentum Vesica _– The Silver Blade Transfiguration spell, used by Shacklebolt. Changes an object into a flurry of silver knives that you know, stab people to death.

* _Morbilifors _– The Insect Transfiguration spell, used by Kate and Rebecca. Changes an object into a swarm of several vicious insects that bite, claw and otherwise tear an enemy apart from the inside-out.

* _Rutilius Incendia _– The Golden-Fire Curse, used by Potter. Conjures a wreath of golden fire to burn an opponent. A wizard or witch of sufficient skill may manipulate the fire to assume any form he wishes.

* _Dispersio _– The Dispersion Charm, used by Dawlish. Causes smoke, odor and similar substances in an area around the caster to diffuse.

* _Insolitus _– The Strangling Hex, used by Jeric. Suffocates an opponent with a noose of green energy.

* _Exurofors _– The Burning-Bird Transfiguration spell, used by Blue (Justin. Whatever.) and Mohsin. Conjures a swarm of flaming phoenixes (or whatever the hell shapes you want) to attack enemies.

* _Draconis Flamma _– The Dragon-Fire Curse, used by Samuel. Creates a volatile and arbitrary bolt of dragon-fire to consume an opponent.

**Note that 'Amortentia' is actually a powerful Love Potion and not a spell. **


	4. Emma's Madness

_Chapter Four: In Which Joel is Killed. Brutally. By Emma. _

By this time, my merry little band of evil people was getting rather large. We set up our Evil Headquarters in the ruins of Sydney; with a flick of my wand, I cast a spell THAT I KNOW WILL MAKE ALL YOU IMMATURE LITTLE CHILDREN LAUGH.

_"Erecto Maxima!" _

You may laugh now.

….

…

..

.

The bits of debris on the ground converged, forming houses, while the torn and singed cloths flew together and were stitched with invisible thread to create tents. Yes, this spell builds things. As in, erecting a house. ERECTO! ERECTO! ERECTO! It might work on the other thing. I'm not sure.

Anywaaaaaaaay…

_"Unda Vestigium!" _I shouted, pointing my wand at the sky. A roiling blue orb emerged from its tip, crashing into the clouds like a water bomb; magical vapor colored the evening sky, and in large letters, spelt out the words,

_VOLDEMORT IS GHEY_

That was sure to attract his attention!

Kate pointed her wand at the Muggle corpses that littered the floor. Their eyes were still wide with shock, pale in the darkening decay of their rotting bodies. Their arms and legs were twisted at grotesque angles, and bones protruded from the gashes in their sides; and then Kate cursed them.

_"Victas Morte!" _

A stream of verdant green energy exploded from her wand, illuminating the corpses with an eerie glow of power. She gave an insane laugh, moving her wand up and down like a puppeteer- with a lurch and a groan, the corpses began to shamble to their feet. Their bones creaked at the joints, and their breath was of the foulest decay; they were living, but in a grotesque parody of what they once had been.

Then the nine – or WHATEVER I can't be bothered to count anymore – of us made a circle in the center of the camp. We raised our wands – except for Samuel, he can apparently perform wandless magic now – and muttered protective charms across our Base.

_"Protego Horribilis!" _

A rippling wall of white energy surrounded the camp. Ironic, that we would use White Magic to protect ourselves.

_"Salvio Hexia!"_

A burning ring of light appeared around the previous sphere, settling about its midriff like a halo. Now, when Voldy and his Dirt Eaters came, they would find their spells deflecting harmlessly off our shield. To complete our defences, Nigel flicked his wand at the faraway sky.

_"Mitsubishi Horn!"_

We blinked, staring at him oddly. "WHAT?!" he said sullenly. "It's Sean's spell!"

Then we glanced at the sky. Nothing seemed to have happened. Oh well.

With a sudden crack, two more wizards materialized into the darkness.

I groaned. "Perry? Joshua Toh? I seriously cannot write every single person into this story!"

They held up their wands, showing that their intent was not to attack us. "You see lah!" said Perry, in his crude, Singaporean brogue. I honestly cannot understand WHY you people choose to speak like that.

"Very syan!" finished Joshua.

"War see lim pay," added Perry.

"Kuar seeh mee kuar," blurted out Joshua.

"I get it!" I interrupted fiercely. "Make your point."

The two wizards tapped their wands at the ground. _"Visium."_

A glistening circle appeared in the soil, like a mirror. The earth turned a shade of silver, and I peered into it gingerly, wary of any trickery.

_Joel and Emma Watson were standing in a simple town hall. The official was standing before them, holding a sheaf of what appeared to be legal documents. _

_"Do you, Joel Tan Jia De, take this woman as your lawfully wedded wife?" he asked. _

_"I do," he responded tearfully. _

_"And do you, Emma Charlotte Watson, take this man as your lawfully wedded husband?" he addressed her with apprehension. There were pink marks seared onto her retinas, an aftereffect of Joel's love spell._

_"I do," she said dully, and without conviction._

_The official coughed. "Umm, you sure?" _

_"Yes," she said. _

_"Really?"_

_"Yes."_

_"Are you certain that you're not making a mistake? Because this guy requested for a Curse to be placed upon your obviously-hexed union, and if you ever realize what a horrible thing you've done to the world, you'll burst into flames."_

_"Yes."_

_"Fine," the elderly man snapped. "I now pronounce you man and wife."_

I was sucked out of the vision, reeling in horror.

"That's not the worst of it lah," said Perry grimly. "You should have seen what happened after the wedding in the hotel room lah!"

"Yeah lah," Joshua chimed.

"Lah! Lah! Lah!" they chorused. I pointed my wand at their kidney area.

"How much do you treasure your spleens?" I threatened. "Anyway, it appears that we have a situation on our hands. Joel is now legally married to Emma Watson, and they are going to have children!"

A loud crack of thunder punctuated my ominous words.

"We cannot let him breed!" I declared. "Tonight, we **strike!**"

Somewhere in England, a garbage can toppled over.

A pig was rummaging around in the contents of the bin with its fat paws, searching for something to eat. Its mouth chewed hungrily, and devoured a chocolate biscuit and tore apart a packet of rancid bacon.

Joshua glared at the pig angrily. "Perry, stop eating! We have a job to do!"

The beast gave a grumpy sigh, and shimmered; its round body shrunk slightly, and stretched upwards to form a more human torso, while its snout elongated into a button nose. Hair grew from his wiry head, and feet stretched outwards as the pig stood on its hind legs.

"What?" Perry grumbled. "Got cookie!"

Joshua sighed. "We're in England. They are called biscuits. BISCUITS!"

The wizard stared down the empty street, the tip of his wand glowing like a torch. "No one's here," he whispered. "Let's go! _Cave Inimicum!"_

Cold water splashed down his back, shrouding his body in an invisible waterfall. He blended in perfectly with the surrounding darkness, and any onlookers would only have seen a rippling patch of darkness. And a pig, trotting merrily down the street.

They reached the Watson house, which hummed with an invisible pulse of power. A circle of silver fire prevented either of them from crossing, and they stopped dead in front of Joel's magical shield.

"How ah?" Joshua whispered, holding his wand at the ready. Perry oinked in response.

_"Finite Incantatem!" _whispered the former. Sparks shot out from the tip of his wand and clashed against Joel's shield, which glowed brightly and made a whip-like crack. The two wizards were thrown off their feet, landing several feet away- just as the front door swung open.

_"Stupefy!" _Joel shouted from his porch. Jets of red light soared from his outstretched wand, exploding in the street; but hit neither of their intended targets.

"Hmm," he mused. "Must have been an animal. I'm coming back, Emma, my love!" he shouted up the stairs, turning his back on the street- that was his fatal mistake.

_"Immobulus!" _whispered Joshua from beneath his invisible shroud.

An arrow of blue light ricocheted across the street, striking Joel square in the back. He almost managed to yell out, but ice glued his mouth shut- completely paralyzed, Joel crashed to the floor with a mighty heave.

Perry squealed and charged into the house, as the silver fire crept away, its creator no longer conscious to sustain it. He shimmered and changed, turning back into a human as he sped past the door- whipping out his short and stubby wand, he poked Joel in the face.

_"Speculum!"_

Perry's Stinging Jinx blew up in Joel's face, causing an instant rash of pimples, acne and assorted minor facial blemishes. His skin creased and folded several times repeatedly, like linen in a washing machine; distorted out of shape, Joel's face crumpled like putty.

Perry giggled.

"Come on," Joshua urged, tugging at the other wizard's sleeve. "We have work to do."

Disarming the rest of the traps that Joel had set for them with whispered _"Finite!"_s, the two men stalked up the staircase. Spears of static energy rained from a cursed candelabra, trying to snipe them off the stairs; raising his wand, Perry shouted,

_"Depulso!"_

White jets of light rushed from the tip of his short wand, knocking the metal sconces over; they continued to spray lightning across the ceiling, overloading the light bulbs and causing them to explode. Hurriedly, Joshua flicked his wand, and muttered,

_"Subsisto!" _

The sconces shivered once and then ceased to move. One step later, the crystal chandelier on the ceiling exploded in a shower of jinxes and green curses; it was with difficulty that the two wizards evaded them, and gunned the chandelier down from the ceiling with the Reductor Curse. Bits of glass littered the floor, crunching noisily as they entered the master bedroom.

Emma Watson lay bound on the bed. She was struggling madly, and the pink glaze on her eyes had faded; evidently, Joel's Love Hex had not been as permanent as he had hoped. Perry squealed and jumped on the bound woman; but Joshua blasted him aside with a cry of _"Relashio!" _

With a slashing motion, he undid the ropes that held Emma. She gave a furious screech, shaking off the tattered ropes, and screamed,

_"Accio Wand!"_

Her wand came zooming out from beneath the dressing table, and she grabbed it with a vengeance.

"Where. Is. That. BASTARD?" she screamed, hysterical. _"Confringo!"_

The Blasting Curse sheared down the bedroom door, setting it alight as the enraged witch stepped out.

"Every. Fucking. Moment. I. Was. AWAKE!" she roared, pointing her wand at the bookshelf. _"Snufflifors!"_

The pages tore and exploded outwards, taking the form of a swarm of rats; the squeaking beasts scampered down the stairs, leaping on Joel's stunned form. They bit at his scarred face, and crawled into his mouth, choking him as their brothers snuffled into his pants.

"When. He. Tried. To. FUCK ME!" she screamed. _"Crucio!" _

Pain surged through Joel's body, but he could not move a muscle. Every fiber in his body seemed to be tearing apart, and nails were screwing themselves through his hands; the blood in his brain was set afire, and his eyeballs were expanding like balloons, cracking the plates in his skull.

"DIE, DAMN YOU!" she shouted in utter madness. _"Crucio! Crucio! CRUCIO!"_

*Spongebob French Narrator Voice – Several. Hours. Later.*

_"Crucio!" _

With finality, Emma tossed Joel across the kitchen. The Immobulus Jinx had worn off about, umm, twelve hours ago, and he had spent the last fifteen agonizing hours of his life twitching on the floor in pain.

She put one foot down on his face, stuffing her wand into his mouth.

"Suck this, bastard!" she cried, tears streaming down her face. He screamed as the pointy branch speared his throat, already hoarse from nearly half a day of torture. Waving her wand in an extremely complicated gesture, each stroke cutting pieces of flesh out of his throat; and spewing out a long string of vulgarities, Emma finished her husband.

_"Astrum Incendia!"_

Sparks of white fire consumed Joel's prone body, as he writhed on the floor like a lizard without its tail; devouring his legs, her curse travelled up to his chest and exploded violently. Embers were thrown out of the pyre of his burning body, but Emma did not stay to watch the show- with sweeping finality, she turned on her heel and left the house.

Joshua and Perry scurried out behind her. Not a moment later, there was a mighty explosion that cracked the earth and set the entire street on fire; the three wizards were only saved from a painful death by their hasty Shield Charm. Stars were surging out from the blindingly-hot ruins of the house, exploding in the sky like massive fireworks and turning the night into day. Turning around at a safe distance, Emma snarled and aimed at the rooftop of the handsome manor.

_"Deprimo!"_

A wave of sheer pressure bombarded the burning house, crushing it like a matchstick; bits of wood and shingling flew out of the ceiling as the curse smashed into it with the force of a hurricane. The upper storey collapsed, sending giant shards flurrying down onto the neighborhood below, and as it fell, took the adjacent floor with it.

Then all was still, with only gray rubble and burning smoke to punctuate the silence of the night air. Emma turned to face Perry and Joshua, whose hairs were slightly singed, and both of whom were extremely terrified.

"What can I help you with?" she said.

Ten minutes later, the three of them were sitting by our campfire in Sydney.

"Excellent," I said, rubbing my hands together with glee. "My evil army is complete! We are almost ready to take on Voldymould!

There was a small _pop_ in the middle of the campfire, and Chris stepped out of thin air. Everyone around the campfire leapt to their feet, and raised their wands in unison,

_"Stupefy!"_

A veritable barrage of red lasers shot through the air and gunned him down before he could do so much as say hello. He crumpled instantly, falling face-first into the ground.

Samuel stepped forward, having requested this scene. He pointed his fingers at Chris' Stunned form, his digits glowing with red light. "What have we here?" he purred, flipping the immobile body around. Chris' eyes were wide with shock at his brutal and sudden attack, and his body seemed to have been deformed beneath the power of ten Stunning Spells.

"Kill him! Kill him!" chanted everyone gathered, cheering. Samuel nodded, raising his hands,

_"Fungero Evanesca!" _

A flurry of white sparks began at his feet, and travelled upwards, consuming his short body in a series of rapid explosions. BANG! His thighs caught fire, burning to a crisp before disappearing in a puff of smoke. BANG! His chest burst into bright sparks, flying away like butterflies and spraying blood and organs on the ground. BANG BANG BANG! His head rolled away from his shoulders, before landing in the fire and bursting into a shower of bright sparks.

"Well, that was a pointless interlude made to satisfy people's bloodthirsty desires," I said. "Now, let's continue."

"All the most evil witches and wizards in Great Britain… and Asia," I added as an afterthought. "It's only a matter of time before Voldy falls! And then we shall usher in the age of… MARSHMALLOW PEEPS!"

I laughed maniacally. Wai Yan blinked.

"Umm, just one problem," he said. "Voldemort doesn't appear to be responding to our taunting."

He motioned at the sky, and I figured that he was right. Throughout the course of the day, I had alternated my offensive messages between:

VOLDY'S MOM NO HAIR

SUCK MY NUTS

VOLDY + DUMBLEDORE = FOREVER

VOLDY HAS SHINY BALLS LIKE HIS HEAD

I CAN SPLIT MY SOUL INTO SIXTEEN PARTS, LOSER

And assorted other messages. "Hmm, I do believe that you're right," I pondered. Then, pointing my wand to the starry sky, I shouted,

_"Vulgaris Maxima!"_

The smoke warped and weaved, changing in form to spell out the words:

VOLDY'S DAD TOUCHED HIM, CAUSING GREAT PSYCHOLOGICAL DAMAGE; THIS IS ALSO THE REASON WHY HE WANTS THE "ELDER WAND", SO THAT HE CAN COMPENSATE FOR HIS OVERLY-SMALL PENIS

There was silence throughout the cosmos.

Trails of black smoke soared through the sky, and Voldemort himself charged straight into the fray. He was a great, midnight shape, skin burning with obsidian fire; he rushed down to meet me, his wand blasting me with a powerful curse before I could even get on my feet.

Darkness shrouded my vision as Lord Voldemort stood over me, his wand pointed at my brains. His hand was quivering in anger and madness, and as he raised his wand, I felt my life flashing before my eyes-

"IT'S TRUE!" he screamed in agony, casting his wand to one side. "IT'S ALL TRUE!"

Sobbing, the Dark Lord fell to my feet and began to cry uncontrollably. "MY FATHER WAS A BAD BOY!"

"HE TOUCHED ME ALL THE TIME, IN ALL THE NAUGHTY PLACES!" he sobbed. "AND I LIKED IT!"

**And so this chapter comes to an abrupt end. Sorry for your brutal murder, Joel. It's nothing personal ;D In the next chapter – many people die. **

**Spells that I Made Up For This Chapter!**

* _Unda Vestigium _– The Watermark Charm, used by me. Creates watery smoke that can be used to form messages, and changes according to the caster's will.

* _Victas Morte _– The Inferius Curse, used by Kate. Reanimates the dead to serve the caster. A piece of dark and forbidden magic that Voldemort used to protect his Horcruxes.

* _Visium _– The Seeing Mirror Charm, used by Perry and Joshua. Creates a ring of silver fire on a surface, through which an image can be seen. The projected image must be something that the casters have seen before.

* _Speculum _– The Stinging Jinx, used by Perry. Creates assorted minor wounds on the target's face, varying in degree according to the caster's intent.

* _Subsisto _– The Halting Jinx, used by Joshua. Causes magical objects and such to cease functioning.

* _Vulgaris_– The Vulgarity Jinx, used by me. Changes an object into a more vulgar form of itself, or causes humans to spout foul words.

**Perry can change into a pig because he is an Animagus. **


	5. In Which Many Die

_Chapter Five: In Which Many Die_

Voldemort wiped his eyes on the sleeves of his robes.

"I feel much better now," he sniffed. "Now, I understand that you want to kill me?"

"Yes," I admitted. "That's about right."

The Dark Lord rose to his feet, and the darkness on his cloak again began to ripple. Fiery tongues lashed out from his skin, and I bristled at the heat.

"Then we shall duel to the death!" he proclaimed. "Dirt Eaters, attack!"

Bellatrix and company surged forward, their wands held above their heads and shooting curses. But white light rippled in a vast arc around our Evil Headquarters, blinding the Dirt Eaters with its brilliance; the shields we had established earlier in the day were holding.

The members of S.O.R.I. charged forward, blasting the Dirt Eaters with fiery curses. The earth was in great upheaval, and burning soil was thrown all across the air. Smoldering green bolts of magic sizzled across the sky, blasting the Dirt Eaters as they were forced back behind our shield.

Bellatrix Lestrange was doing her whole madwoman routine, dancing around Mohsin, Nigel and Perry as she hurled curses at them.

_"Dedeifo!" _she yelled, and the ground beneath their feet turned deadly-hot. They leapt away, the soles of their shoes bursting into flames; the ground cracked and unleashed more torrents of fire that chased them as they stumbled backwards.

_"Erupio!" _muttered Mohsin, and he flicked his wand towards the raging fires. With a soft hiss, they were extinguished. _"Adherius!"_

An invisible knife soared through the air, cleaving Bellatrix; with a surprised look on her face, the witch was hurled several feet backwards, a large gash torn through her black dress. She Apparated as she fell, reappearing several feet behind the three wizards.

_"Avada Kedavra!" _she screeched, sending triple bolts of green fire hurtling towards her opponents. They leapt out of the way, but Perry was a fraction of a second too slow- the devouring flames blasted his body, and with a tiny cry, he crumpled to the ground.

"Ha ha ha!" cackled Bellatrix, insane beyond human measure. She slashed her wand at the two survivors, muttering,

_"Umbrata!" _

A bolt of sheer blackness erupted from its tip, shearing aside the trees and grass; instantly, the surrounding flora burst into wicked black flames, as the fireball tore towards Mohsin. He yelped, crouching to the ground as the angry inferno blazed across his head; the curse set his hair afire, and he flailed about in pain as it ate at his scalp.

Nigel screeched as the fire hurtled towards him, and in desperation, yelled out,

_"Glaciate!"_

A bolt of ice hurtled out of his wand, crashing into the black fireball; instantly, both spheres exploded. Fire and ice rained upon the surroundings, as the two opposing forces churned and tried to destroy each other; the roiling sphere of energy danced across the scorched earth, sparks leaping out of it at random and causing burning blue fires.

Nigel ran to Perry's side. His eyes were still wide open, in the shock of his sudden death, and clutching the corpse, Nigel screamed in anguish. Bellatrix gave an insane laugh, and Apparated to his side, blasting him backwards with a chain of black rope.

"Boo-hoo!" she cackled, flicking her wand. "What are you going to do about it? FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN! _Victas Morte!" _

Perry's corpse twitched once, and then flopped back to life. His arms were outstretched, and he shambled clumsily forward, mouth opened wide as he bit down upon Nigel's ankles. He screamed, blasting back the Inferius with a curse.

_"Luna Incendia!" _he shrieked, and moonlight burst from his wand. Perry was scalded by the intense heat, and his skin peeled like burning paper. Unable to feel pain, the zombie leapt forward again, trying to tear out Nigel's thighs-

_"Mobilicorpus!" _Kate yelled, rushing in to defend Nigel. Perry's corpse was hurled aside, and then in a frenzy, she again shouted,

_"Oppugno!"_

The horde of Inferi she had raised earlier in the day charged towards Bellatrix. The witch screamed, blasting them aside with Blasting Curses and Dragon-Fire; but there were simply too many of them. Bellatrix was torn apart from limb to limb, and bits of her black robe were thrown into the air. Blood and torn ligaments littered the floor, as Kate's Inferi devoured the woman alive; her head was separated from her neck, and shredded as the gnarled teeth of the zombies chewed on her torso and breasts.

Rebecca and Wai Yan had been separated from the rest of the group.

Fenrir Greyback, a vicious and huge werewolf, leapt towards them, his claws slicing the air so sharply that they seemed to be shining. Rebecca screamed and stumbled backwards, hurling her wand randomly and shouting,

_"Orbis!"_

The werewolf began to spin around like a maddened top, so hard that his paws were pushed into the earth. The soil cracked beneath his weight, and he was driven deep into the ground, howling out in anger.

A moment later, the beast leapt out of the crater, and with his massive teeth, tried to mangle Rebecca's neck. She felt the wolf's foul breath on her throat, and an instant of contact between his great, yellow teeth and her flesh-

_"Cruor Vomica!"_

Wai Yan released a shower of red light from his wand, hitting Fenrir straight in the chest; he stumbled backwards, his paws clutching his throat in agony. The blood in his veins had begun to trickle away, and had only one place to escape to-

Gashes of red ink appeared on his neck, and blood squirted like a fountain out of the wound. The two wizards were drenched in his lifeblood, which seemed to be neverending; like a septic tank, the werewolf expelled every drop of blood in his body until he had been bled dry. Withered, and like an empty, withered vessel, Fenrir collapsed to the ground.

Wai Yan giggled, and prodded the wolf's corpse with the tip of his wand. "That was fun!"

Rebecca's eyes widened, and she pointed her wand at him. _"Bombarda!"_

Samuel and Emma were dueling Lucius and Narcissa Malfoy. Their blonde hair shimmered in the darkness, and then sparked in the bright fire of their spells.

_"Scrupulosum!" _shrieked Samuel, without holding his wand because he says that magic is cooler when it explodes from your hands instead of from a short and pointy stick. Green sparks flew from his fingertips, stinging Lucius; instantly, spiky thorns exploded from beneath his skin, sending blood flying in all directions. Narcissa screamed, rushing to her husband's side, and shouted,

_"Serpensortia!"_

With a loud crack, a viper emerged from the tip of her wand, and hurled itself towards Emma. She flicked her wand negligently, hurling the snake towards Narcissa,

_"Engorgio!"_

The snake swelled to the size of a Basilisk, and rearing its massive fangs, it chomped down upon the screaming witch. Half of her body was ripped apart, like stretchy toffee, while the other half fell to the floor, twitched for an instant and then was no more.

Lucius screamed in agony. Grabbing his wand, he fired a curse at his two enemies,

_"Infractum!"_

Samuel felt an incredible tiredness come across him. His bones felt as though they could not support any weight, as though the muscles on his body were a strange and foreign weight- he crumpled to the ground, and the robes he wore seemed to suffocate him.

Emma yelped, and pointed her wand at her fallen ally. _"Rennervate!"_

He leapt back to his feet, making a spell-casting gesture with his hands, and thrust his fingers straight into Lucius' chest. The other wizard was caught off-guard, and his eyes widened in surprise and shock at what he was about to do.

_"CONFRINGO!"_

An explosion ripped through the air, consuming them in its fiery wake; and then Emma Watson, Lucius Malfoy and Samuel were no more.

Rebecca's eyes widened, and she pointed her wand at him._ "Bombarda!"_

Her curse shot above his head, arcing in a wide sweep towards the Dirt Eater who had attempted to curse Wai Yan from behind. He was caught in the groin, and exploded from there outwards; he shrieked and then crumpled into a tiny pile of dust.

"Thanks," he muttered, shaken. She nodded, and the two of the Disapparated back to the Evil Headquarters.

Spells and curses were soaring across the air, as Jeric and Joshua battled Alecto and Amycus Carrow. The twins shrieked and sent a flurry of burning darts towards their opponents-

_"Finite!" _shrieked Rebecca, flicking her wand. The fiery missiles froze in mid-air and crumbled to dust, and then, _"Viscuso!"_

Alecto crumpled, clutching her heart in pain. Rebecca's Heart-Piercing Hex had caused the valves in her heart to spin out of control, and blood was now surging in the wrong direction in her body.

_"Librata!" _hissed Amycus, shooting a wall of solid force at his enemies. All four of them were blasted aside, with bone-crushing force. _"Astrum Incendia!"_

An uncontrolled flurry of stars rushed from the tip of his wand, streaking through the air like comets. They exploded in mid-air, blinding all of the Dirt Eaters with their radiance, and inimical of human or plant, set everything afire. Amycus controlled the stars with the blazing tip of his wand, like a puppeteer, and pursued Jeric with a cluster of three shining bolts.

_"Aranifors!" _he shouted, changing the missiles into a swarm of venomous spiders. They leapt at Amycus, trying to claw at his face. He flicked his wand, and the insects swelled like balloons and exploded, splashing green gore acrosstheir faces.

Alecto stood, shakily, waving her wand in a mad circle above her head,

_"Flagrante!"_

Fire seared the skins of her enemies, and they shrieked, dropping their wands as one. The wooden rods fell to the floor, leaving them completely defenseless as the two wizards approached them, their wands held high and menacing.

_"AVADA KEDAVRA!" _screamed Amycus and Alecto, together. Green light flooded their eyes, and a rush of wind filled their ears-

Rebecca and Jeric crumpled to the ground, so softly that they could have been sleeping. Their eyes were closed in death, and as screams surrounded their still bodies, they began to let go of Life. They faded, and then were gone.

Joshua yelled out in anger, jumping towards Amycus and trying to punch his face. There was a loud crack, as he broke the other man's nose- and then, with an insane and high-pitched giggle, Alecto screamed,

_"Sectumsempra!"_

A knife wound carved along his face, fixing a surprised expression on his visage as he fell to the ground. Blood squirted through the air like a grotesque fountain, and Amycus hurled his lifeless body to the cold soil. Then the two wizards stalked towards Wai Yan, their wands glowing with burning green light.

Nigel saved him just in time. Running out of the burning ruins, and blasting away some of the rogue Inferi, he spotted the two wizards and screamed,

_"Expelliarmus!"_

A beam of yellow light knocked the wands from the Dirt Eater's hands. They shrieked, turning to flee, as Nigel screamed,

_"Vesicus!"_

A pair of silver cleaving knives shot through the air, burying their edges into the backs of the two wizards. They froze, and turned around slowly, and screamed as Nigel yelled,

_"Depulso!"_

The sharp knives were pushed further into their tender flesh, slicing bone and ligament as they went. The Carrows fell to their knees, gasping for breath, as the points of the blades pierced their lungs; air left their bodies, and then they were dead.

Voldemort and I stood in the center of the smoking rubble, facing each other with our wands at the ready. Both our sides had suffered heavy losses, and there was only one way to finish this.

_"Cursum Perfico!" _I shouted, and the wind howled in the Dark Lord's face. His feet were pried off the ground, and his body tossed into the air; hurtling backwards, Voldemort was thrown into the branches of a tree.

_"Egrotatio!" _he screamed, and a sickly green light burst from his wand. I felt a wave of nausea coming over me, as well as what seemed to be every illness known to man; cold, mucus, strep throat and H1N1, black plague and malaria, yellow fever and bird flu all battered my body, leaving me gasping for breath.

_"Avada Kedavra!" _he whispered, sending the Killing Curse hurtling towards me. _"Protego Dua," _I choked, uttering the spell before the sickness closed up my throat.

White light flashed around me, absorbing the curse; then green sparks flew along its edges and it faded, leaving me completely defenseless.

Voldemort waved his wand, conjuring a swarm of flesh-eating bats to buffet me; with a labored breath, I choked out a spell, _"Ebublio!"_ and turned them into brightly-colored bubbles, flying into Voldemort's lidless eyes.

He groaned and stumbled, blinded by the alkaline sting; then, with a flick of his wand, the Dark Lord hurled me backwards.

_"Crucio!" _he shrieked.

_"Erasum Contegio," _I whispered, feeling his Sickness Curse wearing off. Strength returned to my arms, and I watched as his Cruciatus Curse entered my shield, fading into a mere glow before hitting me; I felt nothing but a tickle down my spine.

_"Partis Temporus!" _he laughed, and a gaping hole appeared in my barrier. _"Confringo!"_

His blasting curse tore apart the ground in front of me, and rushed forward in a wall of fire. _"Contegio!" _I murmured weakly, and a ring of protection surrounded me, absorbing the curse. _"Alcedonium!"_

My spell shot towards him in a flurry of blue sparks, which he deflected with ease, and roared,

_"Dementis!" _Black smoke rushed into my ears and mouth, and a delightful, blessedly free sensation flooded my body. Images of all my worst fears sprouted in my mind, and in my horror I tried to run; but my feet would not move, and I could only watch as my body was shredded apart by a screaming horde of ghosts.

Then the image faded, and Voldemort was before me, his wand pointed between my eyes.

"This is how it ends," he whispered. _"Avada Kedav-"_

_"Silencio!" _Mohsin yelled, he, Kate, Mohsin and Nigel having survived the battle. A flicker of hope leapt in my heart, and Voldemort's lips clamped shut. He gave a silent roar of anger, and his wand glowed with green light – he was casting the spell without speaking, I knew it –

_"Levitas!" _shouted Wai Yan, and a bolt of lightning knocked him to his feet. His wand rolled away from his outstretched hand, and I lunged for it.

_"Obscuro!" _shrieked Kate, and blindness shrouded his sight. Blind and angry, he breathed a jet of flames from his mouth, and the three wizards were consumed in the inferno.

I pointed the Elder Wand at Voldemort's pasty skull.

_"BOMBARDA!"_

The Blasting Curse entered his head and shattered it. Bits of white dust flitted to the floor, and to put it simply and without using large words, Voldemort was dead.

**Yup, that's it for this chapter. Casualties, with killer in brackets: Perry Yap (Bellatrix Lestrange), Joshua Toh (Alecto Carrow), Samuel Tan (…himself), Rebecca Salos (Amycus Carrow), Jeric Ho (Alecto Carrow); Bellatrix Lestrange (Kate Wallace), Fenrir Greyback (Soe Wai Yan Linn), Narcissa Malfoy (Emma Watson), Lucius Malfoy (Samuel Tan), Emma Watson (Samuel Tan), Alecto Carrow (Nigel Yee), Amycus Carrow (Nigel Yee), Tom Marvello Riddle (Me!)**

**My sincerest apologies to the families of the deceased. **

**Spells that I Made Up!**

* Erasum Contego – The Destructive Shield. Creates a scintillating barrier of energy before the caster, turning all matter that passes through it into dust.

* Infractum – The Curse of Weakness. Causes incredible weakness in the target, rendering them completely unable to support any weight. Targets of the Curse will drop any items in their hands, and crumple to the ground.

* Cursum Perfico – The Speed Charm. Causes the speed of the targeted person or trajectory of an object to greatly increase for a short time.

* Dedeifo – The Scorching Curse. Causes an area to burst into flames and the ground to crack.

* Cruor Vomica – The Blood Curse. Causes every drop of blood in the target's body to explode out of its neck.

* Luna Incendia – The Moon Fire Charm. Creates a lance of burning, white fire that has all the effects of heat without actually setting anything on fire.

* Astrum Incendia – The Star Fire Curse. Conjures several magical missiles that will endlessly pursue their given target, and detonate upon contact, causing a blinding explosion of million-degree heat and a fire that cannot be put out by conventional means.

* Scrupulosum – The Thorn Jinx. Causes painful thorns to sprout from beneath the target's skin.

* Alcedonium – The Calming Charm. Causes great calm and tranquility to pervade the target's mind, soothing its violent tendencies and at more powerful levels, causing it to lapse into a near-euphoric trance.

* Umbrata – The Shadow Bolt Curse. Hurls a massive bolt of darkness from the tip of the caster's wand, knocking aside everything that contacts the curse. Those who are hit by the spell burst into black flames and are stunned.

* Erupio – The Extinguishing Charm. Instantly puts out a fire.

* Adherius – The Cleaving Curse. Used like a massive invisible cleaving knife, slashing the target and all nearby objects, and throws them several feet backwards.

* Egrotatio – The Sickness Jinx. Creates varying degrees of illness in the target, ranging from a minor headache to a raging fever. The power of the Jinx varies according to the power and intent of the caster.

* Glaciate – The Freezing Curse. A powerful ball of ice that ricochets from the tip of the wand, arbitrarily crashing into objects and freezing them completely. Frozen objects become extremely brittle, and living things hit by this curse are immediately killed by the drop in temperature.

* Dementis – The Dementia Hex. Causes the target to see hallucinations of all its fears, and go utterly mad. A sufficiently powerful caster may choose what the target sees, and maintain the hex indefinitely.

* Viscuso – The Heart Strike Curse. Causes lurching pains in the target's heart, stunning it and depending on the strength of the caster, possibly causing death.


	6. Teh Battle of Hogwarts, Redux!

_Chapter Six: The Battle for Hogwarts, Redux!_

"It's over," I whispered, watching the battlefield with heavy eyes. The dead were many, on both sides – corpses littered the ground, and we went around to lay their arms across their chests.

_"Mobilicorpus," _said Kate. The bodies on the ground levitated serenely, drifting over to the pit that we had dug earlier. Rebecca drifted like a wraith, her black hair forming a veil over her face as she was lowered carefully into the grave.

Nigel was hunched over Joshua's corpse. He pointed their wands at his bloodied face, and murmuring, _"Tergeo,"_ he siphoned the dirt and grime away. Wai Yan carefully approached Perry's still-twitching corpse, the Dark Magic that had animated it still in effect, and whispered,

_"Finite."_

Quietly, the corpse ceased its struggling, and floated calmly into the mass grave.

I found Jeric's body several feet away. The Inferi that Kate had raised were beginning to shamble towards the corpse, their mouths gnawing at his body; in acid anger, I pointed my wand at them and drained the unlife from their bones. They collapsed without a fight, and then I levitated his body to the growing pile.

The best we could do for Emma and Samuel was to sweep up their ashes from the ground and sprinkle them across the pit. The survivors stood in silent vigil across the pit, raising the lighted tips of their wands.

_"Orchideous," _we said as one.

A gentle rain of flowers fluttered into the pit, obscuring the pale faces of the dead. We watched for a moment, grieving; and then carefully covered the grave. Nigel Transfigured one of the stones, and Wai Yan carved out words into the rock:

_The last enemy to be defeated is Death. _

And then, in a sweep of black cloaks, we were gone. We had defeated Voldemort, but at a terrible price. It was time to make the sacrifices of our friends worth it.

With a whip-like crack, we arrived in Hogsmeade Village. It was snowing, as always, and Hogwarts Castle loomed over the horizon like a watchful eye. For centuries it had stood as a beacon of the British wizarding world – the time had come at last, to destroy it.

A moment after we had arrived, two more wizards emerged from the snow. Miles and Aaron had agreed to reinforce our numbers in our surely suicidal attack of Hogwarts. Seconds later, Shona and Caitlin Apparated behind us, their wands held ready and their faces grim.

We made a strange sight, nine wizards travelling through the quiet village- the inhabitants seemed to skirt nervously out of our way, and several of the shopkeepers eyed us with suspicion. Word had gotten out, that Harry Potter was dead and the Minister for Magic fallen; and now, marching through the snow were the Dark Wizards who had done it.

I clutched my wand tightly, as Madam Rosmerta emerged from her pub. She had her own wand outstretched, and her face was contorted in fury.

"You!" she shrieked at us. "What have you DONE! _Stupefy!"_

A barrage of red light emerged from her wand, zooming towards us like missiles. She was a powerful witch, and all the more so for her rage; but Shona raised her wand and shrieked madly,

_"Impedementa!" _

Blue sparks lit the air, soaring against Rosmerta's spell; the villagers screamed in terror, fleeing into their houses, as Shona's curse exploded against the other woman's in a shower of sparks. Without hesitation, she stepped forward and shouted,

_"Glaciate!"_

A sphere of burning ice burst from her wand and struck Rosmerta, sending her flying backwards into her pub; her body froze solid as she tumbled, and shattered as she hit the opposite wall. A grenade of frost exploded outwards, tearing the Three Broomsticks apart, and sending a wave of cold washing through Hogsmeade.

There was no point being subtle now- brandishing our wands, and blasting away those foolish enough to stand in our way, we hurried towards Hogwarts. Lights began to flicker in the distant windows – the inhabitants of the castle surely had noticed us by now.

The Black Lake loomed before us, endless and deep. Without breaking stride, Miles whipped out his wand and shouted,

_"Aqueo Ingressus!"_

There was a shivering and shuddering, and the water became as still as glass. We ran across the surface of the water, straight to the great, black gates of the Castle. It was locked, by key and spell- together, we pointed our wands at the metal and yelled,

_"Reducto!"_

Endless streams of red light burst from our wands, crashing against the Gates and taking out massive chunks of metal. There was a great explosion, and it gave way beneath our curses; crashing down in a clatter of steel, the nine of us sprinted into the grounds of the school.

Within the walls of the castle, Minerva McGonagall stared out the window. Jets of red and green light were soaring across the grounds of her school, an all too haunting reminder of what had happened just years ago. Without hesitation, she pointed her wand and summoned three shining Patronuses; the cats scampered down the stairs, to the other Heads of House.

Then, with a cry of fury, the elderly woman leapt out of the high window.

Quickly, almost desperately, we charged across the courtyard. Before us was the gilded gate that lead into the Entrance Hall; it shimmered once and blasted us backwards with a powerful wave of energy. We stumbled and fell onto the grass, holding our wands high as a tiny man tottered into view.

"Stop!" shouted Filius Flitwick, waving his wand in a deadly spellcasting movement. "No Dark Wizard shall ever enter this castle again! _Lumos Solem!"_

An incredibly bright bomb of light exploded from the tip of his wand, flooding the Courtyard with light. We staggered backwards, blinded by the intense sunlight.

If the students and staff had not been before, they were certainly awake now. Screams rang out from every direction, and Flitwick did not halt his attacks. _"Stupefy!"_

Red light burst in every direction, the most powerful Stunning Spell that I had ever seen. Kate and Nigel were knocked to their feet and lay paralyzed on the lawn; but Aaron regained his senses and yelled,

_"Protego Dua!"_

A wall of silver light swirled around us, and the Stunning Spells deflected off it; with a little squeal, Flitwick leapt aside as the concentrated power of his reflected spells blasted the main door open. The Entrance Hall was now open to us.

"Go!" he shouted, at us, hurling a bolt of green light at the smaller man. _"Avada Kedavra!"_

Flitwick made a sweeping motion with his wand, and a great wind came upon the grounds. We struggled against the storm, conjuring Shield Charms to protect us; with tremendous effort, we managed to stumble towards the Entrance Hall.

Caitlin leapt out from the group, leaping towards the tiny man, and shouted a curse that burned with brilliant purple fire. Flitwick yelped and absorbed it with a ring of fire, and caused it to explode outwards, immolating the entire lawn.

Aaron and Caitlin advanced on Flitwick, the flurry of charms and curses flying so quickly that we could barely see them. He was a master duelist, an easy match for both of them; with a flourish, he caused the roots in the ground to rise up and grab their ankles.

_"Inflamarae!" _they shouted at once, burning away the grasping vines. Caitlin slashed at the tiny man, and a beam of brilliant moonlight burnt his skin and shredded his beard. The scent of ashes wafted through the air as Flitwick staggered backwards, screaming,

_"Medignis!"_

A flurry of blazing butterflies leapt through the air, eating away at their clothing; Caitlin fumbled and dropped her wand. But Aaron held firm and yelled out,

_"Avada Kedavra!"_

Angry green light blazed across the lawn and struck Flitwick in the chest. Quietly, the man crumpled to the ground and died.

Then a blur of ginger-colored fur streaked across our vision, falling from the highest tower and landing neatly on its feet. Without a moment's pause, Minerva McGonagall returned to human shape, and shrieked,

_"Morbilifors!"_

A stream of black hornets rushed from the tip of her wand, buzzing horrendously loudly. They swarmed at us, stinging us and making us drop our wands; for every one that we blasted, a hundred more bit at our flesh.

"OUT!" she screamed, as though possessed. "GET OUT OF MY SCHOOL!"

We ran into the Entrance Hall, the insects still eating at our flesh. Their constant buzzing was almost maddening, and my body had been filled with sores; then, with a shriek of fury, Mohsin yelled,

_"Librata!"_

A solid mist spouted from the tip of her wand, crushing the bodies of the insects. They fell to the floor and began to twitch feebly. Hurriedly, he swung his wand at the door and cried, _"Colloportus!"_

The doors locked shut just as the elderly witch reached the top of the steps. McGonagall roared in anger and shot a destructive curse at the gilded door; but it barely held. Dust and debris littered the ground, and the bolt that held it in place was destroyed.

The five of us held our wands at the ready, backing away from the door as though it were a dangerous creature. Outside, the sounds of battle had ceased; we did not know what had become of Aaron and Caitlin.

_BANG. _

The massive door buckled inwards, soaring towards us; with a shriek, we scattered for cover. But Mohsin was not so lucky; the giant hunk of metal crushed his body like an insect, pounding his skull and causing his brain to burst out of his ears. He flew into the opposite wall, pinned down by the massive force, and then was still.

McGonagall charged into the Hall, screaming,

_"AVIS!"_

A flock of white birds erupted from her wand, and cawed as they pecked at our eyes. Shona Transfigured them all into maggots, a swarm of disgusting, vile worms that crawled up McGonagall's robes and slithered over her eyes; then a moment later they were alligators, biting and snapping at the other witch. They engaged in a Transfiguration duel like no other, no shape being held for more than an instant – smoke, phoenix, mutant chicken, duck, exploding eggs, flaming egg yolk, a massive embryonic sack, brilliant white rope, hissing serpent – neither witch gained an advantage over the other.

Miles pointed his wand at the two rapidly dueling witches.Trembling slightly, he shouted,

_"Everte Statum!"_

A blast of white light shot from the tip of his wand, blasting both of them off their feet. The two witches shrieked as they were hurled into the adjacent wall; and then there was a great, collective cry of _"STUPEFY!" _from the remaining five of us.

Red lasers chased after McGonagall, who leapt out of the way with surprising agility for her age. She brandished her wand, Transfiguring the steps we stood upon into a massive, fanged maw; we yelled and jumped off the banisters, but of course, some one had to die.

Wai Yan fell into the great, black maw, screaming as the grinding teeth chewed at his flesh. Blood squirted wildly through the air, and his screams of agony disappeared into the blackness; there was a chomping and chewing as the Grand Staircase swallowed him. The wooden railings became long, lashing whips, grabbing our ankles and trying to drag us down the same way.

Nigel screamed loudly as one of the tapestries tried to strangle him. _"Reducto!" _he yelled, and the cloth was blasted backwards, smoking and spluttering as it burnt to a cinder. He turned to face McGonagall, now furiously battling Miles –

_"Aqua Eructo!" _yelled the smaller man. A jet of roiling water emerged from his wand, wrapping around McGonagall and tossing her into the air. She turned into a cat as she fell, landing perfectly on her feet before lunging for his ankles. He yelled out in pain, stumbling backwards with the animal's fangs still buried in his flesh.

Shona screeched in anger, dropping from where she had been hiding in the ceiling. She pointed her wand at the ground and shrieked, _"Spongify!"_

The stones turned green and soft, and she sunk harmlessly into them. Her momentum gave her speed, and as she bounced back out of the hole, she pointed her wand at McGonagall and screamed madly.

_"Relashio!"_

A jet of white sparks blasted her away from Miles' ankles. He whipped around and fired a Killing Curse at the cat, who leapt away and resumed human shape; waving her wand, McGonagall shouted,

_"Expelliarmus!"_

Shona's wand zoomed out of her hand. She shrieked, ducking for cover as the elderly woman conjured a wreath of flames that scorched the ancient stone walls. Miles faced McGonagall alone, prowling around her dangerously, holding on to the thin strip of wood in his hands for dear life.

_"Astrum Incendia!"_

Stars shot out of his wand, sparking and hissing as they exploded around McGonagall. But her Shield Charm was swift and utterly impenetrable; with a slash of her wand, the witch turned his hair into a wreath of serpents, biting at his eyes and clawing at his face.

She gave a laugh, more cruel a sound than she had ever made, and fired three burning red Stunning Spells towards him. He yelled as they blasted the stones apart at his feet, and blindly yelled a curse.

_"Adherius!" _he shrieked, as the snakes gouged out flesh from beneath his eyes. An invisible knife cleft the air, knocking McGonagall backwards- her expression was one of pure shock as she tumbled backwards. She fell, her robes swishing around her like black wings – fell into the staircase that she had Transfigured to fight against her enemies.

There was an awful grinding and then McGonagall was dead.

There was a little poof and McGonagall appeared back on her feet, since the author didn't have the heart to kill her, and she was probably too powerful to be defeated so easily anyway.


End file.
